So school is coming to an end, and although I am so happy that it is almost finished, I am a little sad. I have gone to KSU since fall of '06 and have made some great friends. I have taken many classes with the same people and we have moved through the program together. This coming fall semester I was suppose to TOSS (this is the semester before student teaching but very similar to student teaching). I was going to be graduating next spring (the light at the end of the tunnel was near!!!).
As school is wrapping up this semester I realize there are many people I have met and worked with that I won't see again because they will be tossing and I will be home. Don't get me wrong I am excited about my break from school, and having a baby is a complete blessing but I wanted that diploma next spring so bad.
I feel as though my life is being put on hold, I know this sound a bit selfish, and I am very grateful I don't have to go back to a job or have to raise this baby alone, but I definitely do not feel ready for such a big responsibility. I love my family and I am so excited to bring a baby into our home and into the Gospel.
I am looking forward to being a home mom. My other goals in life are to get my degree in Education by the latest 2010 (I will cart that kid to school if I have to, I will be getting that piece of paper) and then I hopefully want to work for a couple years, in order to get my masters in child development.
I love children, so you would think that I would love being pregnant and having my own, but I just feel over whelmed. I feel I have so much on my plate and I can't finish everything, I just don't know where to start. I know Heavenly Father will not put anything in front of me that I can't handle, and I know he feels confident in Seth and I raising this child...and then here comes my next worry;
I have been going to school for about 5 years for early childhood education. I have looked after children for more than half my life. I love children and want to give them the best in everything (and I am not talking about materialistic things). Now I am not an expert at children by any means but I do understand children more in the developmental aspect than people who have not studied children, and this scares me. I know what I am suppose to do with a child and I know what the child should be able to do, but what if I can't handle my child, what if I mess up, and I don't give them the proper upbringing. Some people say that "ignorance is bliss" now i don't completely agree with that saying, but I do believe that the more you know the more you are accountable for. I feel like I know what is good and what is not, and i feel I need to live up to it and can't make mistakes. I know everyone makes mistakes, we are all human. And I know i need to sit back and enjoy pregnancy and the end of the school year....
Okay now that I have taken some time to vent my worries, I need to get back to my piles of laundry, homework, and life.
1 comment:
Ok - deep breath in.... now let it out.... You are going to be FINE. Although I can't empathize with your pregnancy I will say this about your education - The prophets have counseled us to educate ourselves, Now that might immediately call to mind a college degree for most of us and I am certainly an advocate of those but that's not the only way to educate yourself! (And I know you will finish yours) I have always taken that counsel to mean that we need to be constantly learning and becoming self-reliant. You don't need to feel like your break from college is a break from educating yourself. Take this time to learn a new skill whether it's sewing, singing, a new language, cooking, typing... any number of things. Sorry this was so long, but I don't want you to worry! :)
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